There are many factors that prevent people from having great, fulfilling relationships and one of these is emotional unavailability.
Emotional unavailability keeps a person from creating true connections with their own self as well as others. As a result, a person can build walls around his or her heart to avoid getting hurt or feeling vulnerable. Often, they end the relationship as soon as true intimacy begins and they realize that they might get hurt.
Since deep down they believe that they are not worth loving, for people with emotional unavailability, even someone expressing love can be a threat. However, this does mean that emotionally unavailable people do not get into relationships. In fact, most emotionally unavailable men or women crave or want to be in a relationship. They just tend to leave the relationship or shut down emotionally as soon as they start to develop feelings.
Emotionally unavailable people are good at keeping themselves at a distance. Whether they are self-aware or not, they avoid forming intimate connections with others unless they think they are safe. Keep in mind that this can be unintentional. However, it is also possible that the emotional distance is intentional. It is very possible for both men and women to date and have sex knowing that they will never commit to a relationship.
What makes a person emotionally unavailable? Emotionally unavailable people are just like everyone else—they look and act just like any normal person does. They have jobs, passions, tastes, personal history, shortcomings and virtues just like everyone else. However, what they lack is the ability to identify and deal with their emotions, especially the fear of rejection and abandonment. They want to be happy but are never sure that they will be. They want their happily ever after but deep down don’t believe that it’s possible for them.
Emotionally unavailable people are not devoid of emotions. They are hyper sensitive to abandonment and shame, so they shut down when they perceive that they risk being hurt. They may appear cold, unfeeling or distant. Conversely, they may be the life of the party, overly complimentary or solicitous. However they present themselves, the underlying goal is to keep themselves safe in their relationships. It can be difficult for them to develop true emotional intimacy as it would mean letting their guard down and becoming susceptible to vulnerability.
For emotionally unavailable people, being cold or distant is a defense mechanism—one that protects them from the pain of their past.
It can be difficult, and at times extremely challenging, to have a romantic relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable where the ability to be open and trust your partner is required for true intimacy. This is when you may experience the push-pull of being in a relationship with someone who wants to be loved but is afraid they are unlovable. The result is being in a relationship that is not really a relationship, but two separate people, who are together. It isn’t us, it’s you and me.
Is it possible for emotionally unavailable people to heal?
Is it possible for emotionally unavailable people to overcome this strong emotional block? The answer is YES! It is possible for an emotionally unavailable person to heal and become available if they are willing.
In my book, The Cure for Emotional Unavailability available on Amazon.com I write, “Overcoming emotional unavailability can be achieved when you are willing to learn what specific fears are holding them back from being a fully open person.”
The first step to moving forward is awareness that you need some change. Once you are aware that you need to address some of your fear about your self-worth, it’s not that hard to get yourself unstuck. There are some options to help you figure out what is holding you back, what you want from relationships, and how to heal your self-worth. Here are some tools that can help you or a loved one heal from emotional unavailability:
- Read: The Cure for Emotional Unavailability available on amazon.com in both Kindle $5.99 and free on kindle unlimited, as well as the print version, $8.99. Also available on Audible.com for the audiobook version, $4.99 or one credit.
- Try going to counseling. Some insurance companies now cover counseling. If not, the average cost to see a counselor is $225. per hour, although many offer a sliding scale depending on your income.
- Consider trying my self-help online course, Becoming Your Emotionally Available, Authentic Self, in the privacy of your own home, at your own pace, $97.
In my course Becoming your Emotionally Available Authentic Self, you will discover what you really want out of a relationship and define what a good life looks for you.
Whether you are still single or are in a long-term relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner or have been accused of being emotionally unavailable yourself, this course can help you to heal and have healthy relationships.
The course contains 6 workbooks with 48 lessons designed to help you move forward in life in all your relationships:
Workbook One: Know Yourself
Workbook Two: Challenging Your Self-Concept
Workbook Three: Accept Yourself
Workbook Four: Love Who You Are
Workbook Five: Determine Your Life Purpose
Workbook Six: Living Authentically
For $97.00 In this course, you’ll learn how to:
- Discover who you really are
- Find out your true passions
- Build your self-esteem
- Let go of past mistakes and accept yourself
- Break free from crippling self-doubts
- Embrace your individuality
- Love yourself
- Find your life purpose
- Create a plan for your life
- Let go of fear and what is holding you back
- Improve relationships in all areas of your life.
In less than 60 days, it is possible to change your life.
What would your life look like if you were able to let go of past mistakes and self-doubt?
How would it feel to be completely comfortable with who you are and truly believe in your own personal worth?
Isn’t it time you invested just a little bit in yourself to have healthy relationships with the people you love the most?
The goal is to be able to live a genuine, open anxiety free life, and to become comfortable with who you are. You can have a great, fulfilling relationship if you confront and resolve your fears about relationship intimacy and commitment. Click the link below to learn more and check out my affordable, private, self-help courses.